


whoever took those books was a real cold-blooded dude

by Dragoneisha



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Attempted Seduction, Blood Kink, Blood and Violence, Blow Jobs, Canonical Character Death, Diamonds Droog Is A Stone Cold Motherfucker, Dubiously Consensual Blow Jobs, M/M, Missing Scene, Sexual Coercion, Snuff, Uninformed Consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 04:04:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18242015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragoneisha/pseuds/Dragoneisha
Summary: Dave goes back in time to stop the Draconian Dignitary from taking the journals.The First Doomed Dave.





	whoever took those books was a real cold-blooded dude

Dave re-enters his room to grab the weird journal off of the toilet Jade so unhelpfully left in his room.

He takes a minute to stare at the empty spot where the journal and its juice-stained bookmark was. Just to let himself get a little annoyed. Now he's got to handle this, somehow or the other, and he doesn't really know how to do that. 

Oh, he should go back in time and stop the thief. Duh, Dave.

The time travel is a) new and b) super weird, so he isn't that self-conscious about stumbling when he lands. Does he even land? It's not like he was flying. Haha, it would be super weird to be able to fly.

Someone is in the middle of stealing his journal. Someone tall, dark, and handsome. Now, Dave may be a genius, but he kind of expected it to be an imp or something, right place right time. Something dumb he can just kick a few times. You know? Maybe if he's really unlucky, it's a basilisk, and he has to scream and run around a little. 

The man (it's got to be a man) in front of him is none of those things. He's tall, for one, and he's got a leanness to him that reminds Dave of a mountain lion. Maybe a leopard.

He's also dressed in some damn fine kicks, and he doesn't have skin. He looks like what would happen if someone gave a human real life Spider-Man powers, but also made him the protagonist of a harem anime. Or JJBA once the author realized he was allowed to like twinks too. Or Hercules? Dave's running out of uber-attractive men because he can't stop staring.

The man - dude - bug? picks up the journal and turns it over for inspection. He isn't wasting any time. In another second he'll be out again and Dave really doesn't want to chase him. Ideally, he'll be in and out, just gotta grab it -

Shit, wait. If he grabs it, this oilslick and cigar smoke motherfucker won't leave, and Past Dave'll come in in a couple minutes and not know what's going on. Well, Present Dave doesn't really know what's going on either. He tastes doom on his tongue.

"Hey," he says, instead.

The tall drink of poison that's holding Rose's journal turns his head, just so. His flat eyes fix on Dave with an almost lazy concentration. Dave doesn't have time to waste, so he only gapes at the pupilless expanse of white for a few seconds. 

"I need that book," he says, upnodding to indicate what the guy's holding. "So give it back now, handsy."

The intruder considers Dave a moment. He says that's unfortunate. Cordially, he invites Dave to piss off.

Ghhhh why does that make him horny.

"Hhah," says Dave, and then, "I have a proposition for you."

This, if nothing else, at least gets the intruder listening. Dave's gotta stop him. Rose burned that for a reason and he's not even supposed to have it. This was, in retrospect, a kind of fucked up thing to do.

"If you give that back I'll suck your dick."

The guy says what.

Dave thinks _what._

"I'm not gay, but twenty dollars is twenty dollars," he says, getting a little closer. This puts Breakintohishouse McShittygorgeousman on high alert, and Dave kind of bends his knees a little, puts his hands up. He makes sure he knows that Dave isn't going to be a threat.

The thought of using his sword is there. Maybe if he's quick enough, Dave can handle it. But at the same time...

There's something _about_ this guy. He compares him to oil and cigarette smoke and the lazy grace of a panther, but those are all things that can kill you easy and without much thought, and Dave gets the exact same vibes from this man. So he just keeps looking at his flat eyes and keeps his hands up.

"Look, you get to say I never had the journal, 'cause I didn't, and you can go take it from Rose - it's hers anyway." He'll have to warn her this guy is coming, obviously, but he gets the feeling they both know that. "And, you get your cock gargled by me, and come on, I'm not using this mouth for nothing, right? I gotta be good with it. It's not any danger to you. Hold a knife to my throat if you want, I don't bite."

The guy sneers, and Dave's dick is hard literally instantaneously. He has the sharpest teeth Dave has ever seen outside of sharks. Why is he such a God damn xenophile. This is not what Texas boys should be about.

"Plus, I mean, fine-looking guy like you. I'm jumping at the chance here. Chomping at the bit, but toothlessly, because I'm definitely not going to bite your dick." He doesn't look impressed. Shit. New idea. "Look, I come back in here in a couple minutes. It's either this or you fight me, but twice, and man, I don't wanna wreck a pretty face like that."

You wouldn't, says the intruder with all the gravitas of a man who absolutely knows the truth. But he can appreciate the opportunity to let off some steam. Dave's to call him the Draconian Dignitary.

Dave is to call him the fucking what, Dave thinks, but he just says "Yeah, alright," and gets on his knees. Hey, this is fine. Just a little dick sucking to stop a nefarious plot. Oh shit, is this what Bond ladies do? Is Dave a Bond lady? He's never actually seen any of those movies, he should get around to it.

He'll need to hurry to get this done quick, but it doesn't look like this Dignitary is looking to waste time either. He's carefully taking out whatever passes for a dick oh, man, he's - Dave doesn't know what that is.

It's segmented, kind of springy to the touch - softer than Dave expected, anyway - it looks like a bug dick, basically, and Dave didn't really think he was a buggie? More of an avian, if he had to categorize, but that's only for jokes. The thing is that this is not a joke and Dave is about to blast in his pants.

He puts it in his mouth.

Thankfully, it's - well, it doesn't not fit, at least. It is in there. Dave has to take a moment to adjust to sucking dick. It's not like he does a lot of this, damnit. He talks a big game but it's all talk and he really needs that fucking journal back. Forget whatever it means for Rose's weird dark horror buddies, if Rose ever finds out she'll string him up by his intestines.

Dave closes his eyes, and his tongue flicks over the rounded tip, almost shyly. It grows a little in his mouth and Dave wheezes out o his nose.

Is there a problem, the Dignitary asks. He still sounds very calm and very cool, and somehow even more dangerous with his dick out. Totally unfair, if you ask Dave.

Dave decides against answering and just gets to it.

Sucking dick is easier than he thought. Doesn't hurt his jaw all that much, and it could be worse. Dude's hot as hell. Might as well lose his mouth virginity for a greater purpose.

He bobs, back and forth, like he's seen as the generally agreed-upon Blowjob Standard, but the Dignitary doesn't really react to that. He laves his tongue over the underside, suckles on his dick, closes his eyes and muffles a little noise around it. There is, admittedly, something very nice about this.

He's still not gay though. This is just because it's a cool monster. It's fine.

The Draconian Dignitary might as well be called the Dragging Dicktease, because nothing Dave's doing is really getting to him, but he's still the hottest thing Dave's ever seen, except maybe Fabio. (Still not gay, but Fabio is Fabio.)

He seems to lose his patience after Dave tries that thing with his tongue for a third time. His hand goes to the back of Dave's head, and Dave's eyes go wide as he feels the points of talons against the nape of his neck.

The Dignitary drags him down and Dave chokes.

Thing is, that appears to be what the Dignitary was going for, if you go by how his cock jumps in Dave's throat. Dave doesn't try and pull off, he just tries to steady himself. Hey, he's endured worse than a little choking, even if it does send his stupid hindbrain into "I'M GOING TO DIE" spirals. (There's... something kind of hot about it?) Dave tries to swallow the spit in his mouth, but it just makes him choke more.

Fine, drooling it is. He'll slobber on a polished knob all day if it means he gets that journal back.

Dave tries not to tense up as the Dignitary fucks his mouth, but it's mostly a futile effort. He starts pulling away at one point, only to be greeted by the tips of those talons digging into the back of his neck. It draws blood and draws his head in so far his nose is pressed to the Dignitary's pubic plating.

Alright, fine, hot. Even if he's freaking out. Dave doesn't know when tears pricked up, but he's struggling to keep them in his eyes. 

"Gkh-"

How eloquent, says the Dignitary, voice entirely unlabored. Bastard. He asks if Dave has anything else to say before burying his weird bug cock in Dave's throat again.

Dave, predictably, does not. 

The Dignitary just smirks down at him, in a way that makes Dave shiver from toe to tip, and goes back to fucking his face.

It doesn't take long after that. Which is good - Dave from the past is like, seconds from coming back in, and Dave right now doesn't want to explain it. (He's pretty sure the Damned Dignitary wouldn't let him up anyway.)

The Dignitary is still near-silent when he cums, strings of something jetting against the back of Dave's throat. Is that what cum tastes like? Fuck, it's kinda gross. Dave blinks back the last of the tears and ends up drooling most of it out around the Dignitary's delightful dick.

The Dignitary cups his face as he pulls out. Dave is counting down the seconds - they have thirty tops. Dave coughs before speaking.

Woah, is it supposed to hurt? Is big cum corrosive?

It takes Dave another second to put together that the Dignitary has just put a knife through his neck and slit his throat so deep his head might fall off.

Oh, he thinks, and then he tries to scream.

The Dignitary hushes him, pushing him just enough to fall onto his back and struggle for air as his lifeblood ebbs out of him faster than he'd ever thought possible. He was never getting that journal, and he was stupid for thinking it, but he didn't want to die -

Dave gasps and find he can't as his fingers dip into the wound that's killed him. He watches the tail end of the Dignitary's coat disappear out the window without so much as goodbye.

Dave realizes he's just cum in his pants.

This is a mildly upsetting thing to learn about himself in the last moments of his life. God damn it, this is definitely Bro's fault.

__

Dave re-enters his room to grab the weird journal off of the toilet Jade so unhelpfully left in his room.

He takes a minute to stare at the empty spot where the journal and its juice-stained bookmark was. Just to let himself get a little annoyed. Now he's got to handle this, somehow or the other, and he doesn't really know how to do that. 

Oh, he should go back in time and stop the thief. Duh, Dave.

Wait, he already did that.

Wow. That's a dead Dave alright. Goddamn. Whoever took those books was a real cold-blooded dude.

Is that a jizz stain.

Yeah, he's gonna have to get rid of this before Jade sees it. It'll freak her out.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah no excuse for this just enjoy it
> 
> how old is dave? i dont fucking know but he sure isnt goddamn 13


End file.
